What a crazy year it has been! Though my whole life I pictured myself being married, I never imagined what it would be like to be a mom. For the longest time I didn’t want to grow up. Can’t Forever 21 be reality instead of just a store for girls without hips? In our early marriage the scariest thing in the world was to get pregnant. No more random dates. No more sleeping in. No more playing Wii all night after work. No more just being us without a care in the world. A lot of our friends were starting to have babies and we saw how much life changed: our crazy friends were now at the beck and call of a little wiggly newborn with no breaks, time off, or vacation. I avoided babies for the most part because I had a sneaking suspicion they were contagious. This feeling lasted almost exactly three years, and then it was like someone flipped a switch.
One day I woke up and decided we needed to plan out our future, which included…babies. My husband was nervous at the thought of all we would have to give up (including one of our incomes). I was nervous but ready; after 5 years working I was feeling a strong desire to be a homemaker. All of a sudden cleaning the house on weekdays instead of every Saturday seemed like a luxury, and going grocery shopping during the day rather than when everyone got off work sounded too good to be true. How hard could it be to throw a cute little baby into the mix? Well, after many conversations I had
worn him down convinced him that it was a good time to begin a family.
….so I waited….and waited…and panicked…and got a little unstable…and asked my friends all of their “tricks” to making a baby – isn’t this what women were created to do?
I am one of most impatient people I know and I can tend to be a bit of a glass-half-empty person, so let’s just say that the Lord taught me a lot that year. I had almost given up hope for my dream of a white picket fence with a yard filled with little ones climbing trees and building forts. I struggled to be content with where God had me (in a place where I couldn’t control my big life plan) and I reminded myself constantly that His plan has and will always be far better than my own.
…and finally after 11 long months it happened. On May 2, 2011 I took one of these:
I was so relieved and couldn’t believe it. I vowed to do my best not to complain about the ailments of pregnancy and the trials of having a newborn. I realized more than ever that
“Behold, children are a heritage from the LORD, the fruit of the womb a reward.” Psalm 127:3
Pretty soon I looked like this:
Yep, nothing. If only I looked like that now when my daughter is 4 months old :). The first trimester was a bit rough and I lost some weight for awhile. Don’t worry, 7 months later I looked like this:
And then, one week before my due date, our precious Hayden arrived. The whole birth experience was surreal, and I still cannot believe that everyday hundreds of thousands of women do it. Pregnancy, childbirth, and babies are truly a miracle of life that point to our awesome Creator. I cannot even fathom the details that He designed so perfectly when He created us and made it possible to multiply.
“Such knowledge is too wonderful for me; it is high; I cannot attain it.” Psalm 139:6
Ten fingers, ten toes. Tiny nose, mouth, ears. Seven pounds, three ounces of perfect, healthy baby girl. She was inside of me, and now I’m looking at her face and wondering who she is and who she will become. All I could think (other than I’m so glad she’s out!) is how awesome our God is, and how a baby is an undeserved gift from above.
“For you formed my inward parts; you knitted me together in my mother’s womb.” Psalm 139:13
“I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Wonderful are your works; my soul knows it very well.” Psalm 139:14
“Your eyes saw my unformed substance; in your book were written, every one of them, the days that were formed for me, when as yet there was none of them.” Psalm 139:16
And just like that, I became a mother. I won’t lie… the newborn stage is a bear. But now I get to spend my days caring for a sweet, wiggly, chubby baby and I feel as though life has just begun.